diff --git a/client/src/app/pages/dashboard/DashboardPage.tsx b/client/src/app/pages/dashboard/DashboardPage.tsx
index 68119e00e..745fd45bc 100644
--- a/client/src/app/pages/dashboard/DashboardPage.tsx
+++ b/client/src/app/pages/dashboard/DashboardPage.tsx
@@ -1,12 +1,90 @@
 import useSetSubheader from "components/layout/header/useSetSubheader";
+import Divider from "components/util/Divider";
+import LinkButton from "components/util/LinkButton";
 import SplashText from "components/util/SplashText";
+import { UserContext } from "context/UserContext";
+import { UserGameStatsContext } from "context/UserGameStatsContext";
 import { UserSettingsContext } from "context/UserSettingsContext";
+import { TachiConfig } from "lib/config";
 import React, { useContext } from "react";
+import { Link } from "react-router-dom";
+import { PublicUserDocument } from "tachi-common";
+import { ToCDNURL } from "util/api";
 
 export function DashboardPage() {
 	const { settings } = useContext(UserSettingsContext);
 
 	useSetSubheader("Dashboard", [settings]);
 
-	return <>{/* <SplashText /> */}</>;
+	const { user } = useContext(UserContext);
+	const { ugs } = useContext(UserGameStatsContext);
+
+	if (!user) {
+		return <DashboardNotLoggedIn />;
+	} else if (user && !ugs) {
+		return <DashboardLoggedInNoScores user={user} />;
+	}
+
+	return <DashboardLoggedIn user={user} />;
+}
+
+function DashboardLoggedIn({ user }: { user: PublicUserDocument }) {
+	return (
+		<div>
+			<span className="display-4">Welcome Back, {user.username}.</span>
+		</div>
+	);
+}
+
+function DashboardNotLoggedIn() {
+	return (
+		<div style={{ fontSize: "1.3rem" }}>
+			<h1 className="mb-4">Welcome to {TachiConfig.name}!</h1>
+			<h4>
+				Looks like you're not logged in. If you've got an account,{" "}
+				<Link to="/login">Login!</Link>
+			</h4>
+			<Divider />
+			<h1 className="my-4">I'm New Around Here, What is this?</h1>
+			<span>
+				<b>{TachiConfig.name}</b> is a Rhythm Game Score Tracker. That means we...
+			</span>
+			<Divider />
+			<FeatureContainer
+				tagline="Track Your Scores."
+				description={`${TachiConfig.name} supports a bunch of your favourite games, and integrates with many existing services to make sure no score is lost to the void. Furthermore, it's backed by an Open-Source API, so your scores are always available!`}
+			/>
+			<FeatureContainer
+				tagline="Analyse Your Scores."
+				description={`${TachiConfig.name} analyses your scores for you, breaking them down into all the statistics you'll ever need. No more spreadsheets!`}
+			/>
+			<FeatureContainer
+				tagline="Provide Cool Features."
+				description={`${TachiConfig.name} implements the features rhythm gamers already talk about. Break your scores down into sessions, Showcase your best metrics on your profile, study your progress on folders - it's all there, and done for you!`}
+			/>
+			<Divider />
+			<div className="col-12 text-center" style={{ paddingTop: 50, height: 250 }}>
+				Interested? You can register right now for <b>free</b>!
+				<br />
+				<LinkButton to="/register" className="mt-4 btn-outline-primary">
+					Register!
+				</LinkButton>
+			</div>
+		</div>
+	);
+}
+
+function FeatureContainer({ tagline, description }: { tagline: string; description: string }) {
+	return (
+		<div className="row my-4" style={{ lineHeight: "1.3", fontSize: "1.15rem" }}>
+			<div className="col-12 col-lg-6">
+				<h1 className="display-4">{tagline}</h1>
+				<span>{description}</span>
+			</div>
+		</div>
+	);
+}
+
+function DashboardLoggedInNoScores({ user }: { user: PublicUserDocument }) {
+	return <span>foo</span>;
 }
diff --git a/client/src/util/splashes.ts b/client/src/util/splashes.ts
index 81dac0e55..07890fcc5 100644
--- a/client/src/util/splashes.ts
+++ b/client/src/util/splashes.ts
@@ -86,6 +86,8 @@ export const loggedInSplashes = [
 	"When lava pours out near the sea surface, tremendous volcanic explosions sometimes occur.",
 	"But thE MOOOOON JUST STAAARED BAACK AAAT MEE",
 	"However... I kinda feel like this one's in the bag.",
+	"Oh yeah? I can exit vim, buddy.",
+	"Discovered Colours",
 ];
 
 // Stuff that's bad for the kids, you know?